Desperate Housewives Blog Assignment for Canterbury Tales
For this assignment, you are all living in the same neighborhood with each other and with the characters in The Canterbury Tales. Your job is to gossip about the personality and any secret behavior(s) of the pilgrim you were assigned. If they are corrupt, steal, lie, cheat, etc., it is your job to reveal it, but you must reveal it in a gossipy way, beginning each post with a disclaimer like "I heard that...," "Did you know that...", "Don't tell anyone but..., and then include the pilgrim's name and the secret. Pretend you are in a chat room together or an online forum.
Comment on blogs, too. Have a good time with it. Your revelation can come in a comment made on someone else's post. For example, "Really? The So-and-So does that? Wow, we better keep him away from my neighbor who....."
If your pilgrim was one of the few moral characters, you can post about them by declaring how lucky you are that your neighbor, So-and-So, is such a great person and talk about his/her good qualities.
If I have changed your pilgrim's name, please use the replacement name NOT the name given in the story.
Role-gossipy neighbor
Audience-other neighbors
Format-chat room/online forum
Tone-casual, malicious
Have you heard, have you heard? Apparently the Canon’s Attendant is attempting to transmute common metals into precious ones. No, really. They toss some copper into a crucible and then throw in quicklime? No, mercury … yeast? Well, it’s some crazy stuff, but the result is pure silver! If you need proof, just smell the man. He’s obviously been burning something unpleasant. That’s probably why his face is so yellow.
ReplyDeleteSon of a bacon bit! I honestly can't even right now. Again? ... with these corrupt church members attached to worldly things, not even trying to have faith, grinds my gears. In the case of the brotherly monk, he knows well that he is out of his bounds in reality, but doesn't even try to change it. He even gives a long speech on all these people who have placed trust in material things and have fallen because of it. Geoffey calls it ironic and I honestly couldn't agree more. I bet it's the same here isn't it? The canon and his attendant don't even try to change their ways. Some people. Hmph.
DeleteBrandon, I think our awful neighbors might be partners in their disgusting business! Unfortunately I live next to the Freeholder and all he can talk about is how he is the greatest alchemist in the world. I do not know how he thinks he is so great, he is a liar! One of his boxes accidentally shipped to my house and when I opened it up I found the weirdest assortment of chemical things! I do not see how it is possible to turn any of it into gold, yet I still see people going over to his house. Thank goodness we are not that easily fooled.
DeleteCheese and rice! Did you hear about this honestly stupid brotherly monk guy person dude who can't even with me right now. I mean seriously, like, like if you are going to be a monk act like it. Here's what my boy Geoffers had to say about the brotherly monk over some breakfast. We know each other on a nickname basis, by the way. Jealous? "A monk there was, one of the finest sort who rode the country, hunting was his sport. A manly man, to be an abbot able; many a dainty horse he had in his stable. He like doesn't even try live the life prescribed with his job. The monk is a terrible person." Verbatim, what he said, I swear, cross my heart, needle in the eye, that sort of thing. It just, it just makes me so, I don't even have the words, frustrated? That's a word right? When a brotherly monk is supposed to be living a life dedicated that's honestly supposed to be dedicated to God, instead ignores that and hunts and collects material things. Ironic, my boy Geoffers says, I don't know what that means but sure, I guess. I don't know though, I'm honestly just a guy who is honestly like indecisive on what day of the week it honestly is. Maybe, possibly, somehow your opinion differs with me or maybe you'll have some juicy story that relates, so me and my bestie Geoffey can drink it up during our daily breakfasts.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a rumor, but I heard something similar about the Canon's Attendant, or at least the Canon he works under. Apparently, this Canon is tricking people into thinking he can transmute metals. A friend of an acquaintance of mine is a church official, so he's a trustworthy source. He's been letting it slip that this Canon is a fraud and that he hides silver in his robes to trick you into thinking that he can actually transmute metals! People give him money on the promise that they will be given riches beyond their wildest dreams in return, but it never happens! Just what does this say about his Attendant? Working under such a horrible man and ruining the Church's reputation … Why must I deal with his brimstone stench and his lust for riches?
DeleteDon't spread this around, but the second sister is supposedly planning to marry. She actually believes that she, out of all people, can violate the rules. It's quite disturbing and I hope our church can make an example out of her. The little things like a nun thinking she can turn back on her commitments to the church could one day disturb our heritage forever. All over the news I see corrupt politicians and world leaders. Someone must stop this madness and take control in our society.
ReplyDeleteYou poor souls with your corrupt and conniving neighbors! Aren't I lucky to have the generous Freeman as one? His only fault being that he is an uneducated man! Though his language may be simple, he never misspeaks. He is a neighbor that will stay true to his word and share his wealth. He makes a fine representative in Parliament and sheriff just the same. Any man willing to open his home to the whole county, share his ale and bake-meat pies is an honorable one! I pray you don't decline one of his unforgettable dinners! I bet you all a silver groat that none have a more openhanded neighbor!
ReplyDeleteReally, is that true? Why must I be stuck with the Canon's Attendant to live next to? The ale and bake-meat pies probably smell nicer than the choking sulfur and charcoal cloud that surrounds my neighbor.
DeleteWow! What a genuinely nice guy! I wish the Forgiver was as honest! Did you know that he is more interested in taking people's money than helping them? I heard that he would rather take a widow's last dime than pass up money. I mean, seriously? He "needs" all this money for liquor even though He preaches that it is the root of evil. Such a hippocrit!
DeleteYou guys better watch out for my neighbor! I heard he just made some people walk the plank! Isn't that awful! He doesn't appear to be around very much. My other neighbors tell me he travels to the western coast of Europe. He sinks enemy vessels in his path. If I were you I would stay out of his way. One time, I saw him riding his horse with a dagger attached to his side. I'm just saying to watch out for him, because he gives me the chills!
ReplyDeleteYou guys haven't heard? The Sailor will let you walk all over him like his own plank! He's a scary guy, don't get me wrong, but with the right words you can talk him into anything. He's clueless as well! I heard that even his closest friend's will take advantage of him, taking his money and some say maybe even his wife!! The poor clueless Sailor, I feel bad for him, but it's him who is at fault. Always gone away on trips, doesn't know whats going on at home. And that's the tea sis!
ReplyDeleteYou might want to keep this poor oblivious sailor away from my neighbor. The Freeholder seems to have a gift for swindling people. I think your neighbor would be fooled in an instant, from the sounds of it. I am not sure if it is better to have a dumb clueless neighbor or an evil scheming one. We might want to consider moving.
DeleteYou didn’t hear this from me but the Canon's Yeoman just moved in next door and I have actually gotten to the point where I just don't even want to listen to him anymore. He is such a hypocrite. It's actually insane. He acted so nice in the beginning and he spoke so highly of the Canon that he worked for, but once the Canon was out of the picture, all he wanted to do was talk trash about him! He claims to be such a good man, being all wise and moral and stuff, but I see right through that. Did you hear about the Canon scamming all of those people? Well guess what! The Yeoman was there! Right alongside of him, helping! A good man doesn't sit by and watch as his boss scams people out of their money, especially when he knew what was happening. If he really wants to "set things right", he would have said something to the priest that they were scamming at the time. Or he could also...I don't know... maybe admit that he is also in the wrong? He seems to act like the Canon was just a terrible, terrible man, which he was, based on the stories. However, the Yeomen just made himself seem like he was just an innocent bystander. Like seriously, he is just as guilty! He not only watched this happen and didn't say anything, but he partook in it! He scammed people just as bad as the Canon! He says, "may God prosper every honest man." but he might want to look at himself and his oddly colored face and see if he is an honest man. Like honestly, I don't want somebody like that to be living next to me!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like our neighbors are two peas in a pod. The Forgiver is such a hippocrit too. He spends his whole day "forgiving" people's sins, and preaching about how bad drinking, gambling, and swearing is. Then he turns around and uses the money he swindled out of people to buy liquor. He even lies about the relics he uses. They are fake! There is not a dang thing that is special about them. Not one thing! Guess what? His pardoning isn't even unbiased! He targets people that that have angered or offened him. He uses his position to get back at them! What a truly awful and selfish man!
DeleteWell MY neighbor is very well mannered. At first, I thought that he
ReplyDeleteseemed too good to be true. The strange thing is that he is. The only thing I find annoying is how invested he is in knights. My neighbor, the Squire, described a king to me once and all he said was about how great he was! I can't recall him saying anything that was outright bad about anyone. He does, however, love to talk about and compare people to knights. He's mentioned Gawain and Lancelot, you know, from the Arthurian stories. It's like all he talks about is how good it is to be brave, wise, merciful, truthful, and honorable. Don't get me wrong, he's a very polite and well-mannered neighbor, he's just a little too invested in knights if you ask me.
Did you hear about the Nun’s Priest. She is such a lucky Nun. He is very handsome man with a perfect complexion, he must be from heaven. All the girls in the village will be filled with despair to learn that this man is filled not with sin but with the holy spirit of heaven. To any girls that live by him they will to cover their eyes, or have sins of delight at his very sight. He could be a rooster with a whole flock of hens but all he wishes for is a life in heaven. Many girls of this village will come to him like a fox. Charming, and flattering but they will never get what they want. I bet the nun wishes this man was a deacon so she could be his wife, their love like a perfect story book.
ReplyDeleteGuys, my neighbor is the literal worst. I swear he does not own a bathroom! His face is always a weird color and he constantly smells of burnt sulfur. Yuck. I am pretty sure he runs a business out of his home but I am not so sure that it is of the legal sort. I see him carry in all sorts of weird science stuff. He has people over but he does not seem to have very many repeat customers. Everybody calls him the Freeholder but I do not know if that is a professional title or not. I tried to have a housewarming party a couple months back and he brought silver as a gift! Who even does that? I saw him talking to some of my other neighbors and showing them some type of party trick. I think it was something about turning everyday items into silver or gold but that seems too crazy to be true. I think I am going to test him by pretending to be one of his dumb innocent victims. I don't think he will be able to fool me but he did somehow dupe that poor Priest a while back. If I can prove that what he is doing is illegal I will turn him in. In all honesty I just want a new neighbor who bathes regularly. Is that too much to ask?
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! My neighbor smells awful too! We need to make sure that they stay a safe distance away from each other because they could drive the rest of the neighbors out with their potent smell!
DeleteGosh, that miller is so obnoxious! Going around town saying rude, disgusting things. It is like he does not know how shut his mouth. I can't even tell you how many people I have heard him make fun of- carpenters, clergymen, and like every one else. Half of the time I see him he is drunk. And don't even get me started on him breaking doors over his head. I know he is trying to show off his strength, but it makes him look like a complete fool. Surprisingly though he is actually half-way smart. Don't tell anyone this, but I heard he finds clever ways to adulterate the corn he sells.
ReplyDeleteYou all seem to have truly awful neighbors but at least you don't have to look at that absolutely ugly face which belongs to MY neighbor! It is quite honestly the most revolting thing I have ever seen. He has sores and pimples all over his face! All of the children run away crying when they see his repulsive countenance. I believe that his ugly exterior is a representation of what he is within. He is truly quite a hypocrite. His job is to confront people concerning their nonbiblical behaviors, he's a Summoner for cripe's sake! Instead he wanders around drunk all the time. I hear that he only speaks Latin when he is intoxicated, how strange. My other neighbor told me the other day that he is often known for participating in the nonbiblical actions of those who he confronts! Don't tell anyone, but I hear that he takes great pleasure in seducing the poor young women that he meets. He should take a look at his own behavior instead of criticizing the Friars so much, he has quite the hateful opinion of them.
ReplyDeleteOh my! How horrible, make sure your neighbor stays away from mine. My neighbor is said to have a very beautiful wife who does not care for him much. I heard that she might have cheated on him and oh boy if it was your neighbor who had done the deed, that Sailor is not going to be too happy when he gets home. Oh dear...
DeleteThat is awful that you have to stare at such an ugly sight all the time in your neighbor. My neighbor is so strong and perfect that all I want to do is stare at and ask him to make me a muscle. Ugh, my neighbor is just so handsome, but maybe my neighbor could talk to your neighbor about the Bible as he is a Preacher.
DeleteHave any of you met my neighbor the Grinder? Well let me explain him to you, he is a drunk and he knows it but he says if he misspeaks to blame it on the Ale of Southwark. He has the biggest mouth out of all the people I know and I’m not just talking about the physical appearance of his mouth but also the fact that he will say whatever comes to his mind. I mean his big mouth does fit his body because he is built pretty big with his broad shoulders. The other day I was outside doing some yard work and he came outside with some of his weights because he was getting ready to go win the ram at the wrestling show. Now I'm not the one that likes to spread rumors or anything like that but what my neighbor said to me the other day is crazy because he was talking about his other neighbors and how there are lots of sins going on over there in that house hold. I don’t know if i should trust the Grinder because he is a drunk so who knows if it is true or not but I will still tell you what he said to me just promise you guys keep it on the down low, because I don’t want to hurt anyone's feelings if it is not true, you feel me? Anyways he started talking to me about how the Carpenter John is so foolish because his young wife Alison, is sneaking around with this clerk named Nicholas. Get this though the Grinder also told me that Nicholas rents a room from John and he also said that it wouldn’t surprise him if Nicholas and Alison were sneaking around because he’s not the only guy that has tried to get with Alison. Apparently Nicholas convinced John to believe that its going to rain so much the next couple days that it is going to be worse than Noah’s flood. So John tied three bathtubs to the roof of his barn, one for Alison, Nicholas and himself. Like I said before let's keep this on the down low because it might be a rumor and I don’t want to start one.
ReplyDeleteAllison had best stay away from the young nobleman or she shall be dumped on her head when morning comes.
DeleteDo you know what disgusts me the most? Hypocrites. The Bailiff is really getting on my nerves. He is SUPPOSED to be showing people the right way to live, but he is drunk all the day! He is practically living a lie. He needs to take his job more seriously. I heard that he stalks people; he knows everyone's secrets and everything they have done. Having him as a neighbor is chilling to the bone, knowing he is always watching to see if I do anything wrong. He's mostly kind, but seems to be a different person when no one is watching. He is so twisted and perverted! I heard from Beatrice that he got extremely drunk Sunday night and tried to molest a young woman, trying to steal her maidenhead. He claims to be a great servant of Christ, but he does not show it. Not to mention the constant feud he has with the Friar, constantly judging and making fun of him. I have a word for you, Summoner, take out the log in your own eye before removing the speck from your neighbor's! Or do you even know biblical doctrine? It is time for him to be humbled.
ReplyDeleteWhat a pity! Our society is better off without such perverts! A man of God should never abuse his position. Good thing you see right through his hypocrisy. If only everyone's neighbors were as honest and giving as the Freeman.
DeleteYou know we really mustn't let the Bailiff and the Young Nobleman together or both we be drunks and good for nothings.
DeletePlease do not tell anyone this as he knows all. My neighbor is the steward. Do not be deceived by his old, gray, thin body, BECAUSE HE IS A THIEF, A LIAR, AND A CHEAT. He may seem innocent, but he is the furthest thing from it. He is a bossy, bad-tempered, son-of-a-gun. He steals money from the Lord and gives it right back to him, right under his nose! How deceitful of him! Oswald knows that the Lord is unaware of his takings, so Oswald uses this to give the money right back to him, gaining him more and more power! One would think a manager of the estate would act a bit more sincere, but no, not Mr. Oswald. I just wish he could be a better man. No one steals from him, but he can do it? Sounds like a hypocrite to me.
ReplyDeleteIn a similar way, my neighbor is also "A THIEF, A LIAR, AND A CHEAT". Such people make terrible neighbors, wouldn't you agree? I wouldn't be surprised if the Pardoner also laundered money in a similar fashion as the Steward. Alas, I wish that more people were honest!
DeleteHave any of you heard about the Preacher? He’s like so perfect, with his big strong muscles, a great neck and his large breast, he’s like um so perfect. He’s such a loyal man as all the girls try to flatter him but he has learned his lesson before as you should never trust a flatterer. My preacher is compared to this amazing singing rooster that has all these chicks follow him because he’s so amazing. Everyone tries to be with him but he’s remains loyal to his one woman hen. He’s always praises his one lovely hen, but he always has people trying to tempt him with being flattery but he has learned to never trust them. I am lucky to have such a perfect neighbor in the Preacher who is so perfect.
ReplyDeleteYou all think that your neighbors are hypocrites, well, just wait until you hear about my neighbor, the Pardoner. I swear none surpass his vile ways. All he does is go town to town preaching the same old thing: "the love of money is the root of all evil". And guess what, after convincing his listeners that money has caused them to sin in the most atrocious of ways, he offers them a simple, yet conniving, solution. All a person has to do is pay him a specified fee, maybe kiss some fake relics, and he declares them sinless. The Pardoner preaches against money, but I heard from my other neighbor that he himself lives by no such restraint. This neighbor even went on to say that the Pardoner confessed to him that he would rather take the last penny from a widow than give up his money, and all the comforts it brings him. All he cares about are his ever-deepening pockets!
ReplyDeleteDid you guys hear the scoop on the Monk? Well let me tell you, he is unlike any other monk! He decided that he is going to be an "modern" monk and doesn't live a traditional monk life, which includes fasting, praying, and living minimalistic. However, this monk decides to buy over expensive horse, wear that fanciest of clothes, all the gold jewelry, and takes part in extravagant activities. To only make things worse, he is obviously overfed and I don't know about you guys, but all the monks I've ever seen didn't have very much excess fat on their bodies. The Host also claims that he's a "manly man" and even made the statement that he should reproduce. The Monk just laughed at the statement and didn't even try to deny any of it. I think if he had the chance, he would rather be a king instead of a monk. He also likes to talk about the famous people who have fallen from prosperity and into misery, but I don't think he is one to talk, seeing as he is living such an extravagant life. It has to catch up to him eventually, but for now he will continue to do as he pleases while the rest of us work our lives away.
ReplyDeleteThis is just between us, but I have been sitting on my porch a lot lately and I have sure seen a particular grey horse over at the nuns house at some pretty odd hours. Now I am not saying she is doing things nun shouldn't, but she is either cooking meth or sneaking around, and I am pretty sure the church frowns upon both of those activities. I hope she plans on getting married, but I bet the church doesn't, seeing as how that is a pretty major rule in the "nun handbook.
ReplyDeleteHave you heard? The young nobleman for all his pomp and circumstance holds a nighttime secret. His bed is rarely left unfilled but only that way until the first rays of morning light peep across the land. For his youthful demeanor you would never know of his nighttime secret. He will never be able to keep a wife happy.
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